Rise and Fall
by sinemoras09
Summary: My sweet love. unrequited Obito/Rin. Hurt/comfort. Angst. Spoilers.


_Author's note: originally was a PWP, but then it turned into this :) Emotional hurt/comfort. Warnings for sexuality, masturbation. End quote is Lil' Wayne, cuz I'm classy like that. Spoilers for the current arc.  
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* * *

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The first time Obito has an erection, he's sitting in class: their sensei is writing on the chalk board and Obito doesn't know exactly what's happening, except his penis is hard and it's strange to him, and he bats it back and forth, puzzled.

It's only after a few moments of bewildered exploration that Obito realizes Kakashi is watching him. He has the same blank bored expression on his face he always has, and when Obito glances up, Kakashi just shakes his head and turns around.

xXx

.

Puberty is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to him.

His voice cracks. He's awkward and clumsy but now he's all thin legs and no torso and his penis seems to have a mind of its own.

He has erections at the most inopportune times: during the class photo where they're making Obito stand in front; during a training session with a particularly strong breeze and too-tight gym shorts. But he starts having them the most when he's looking at Rin, and pretty soon he's used to carrying large books and backpacks to hide his lap.

Rin never notices, and Obito is thankful she never questions why he always seems to be hefting large bags of groceries whenever he's around her.

xXx

.

She is his best friend. He likes to think the feeling is mutual, and he pretty sure it is, because she smiles and laughs and grips his hand, and she's grinning wide when she tells him he's like a brother to her, closer than family. She cheers him up and he makes her laugh, and they enjoy each other's company, even if half the time she's gushing about other boys who are better than him.

He masturbates to her photograph, because he's lonely and impulsive and that's the only thing he can get off to.

His breathing is harsh, ragged, as he fists himself. Already the picture frame is starting to fog up, but Obito keeps at it anyway, cheek pressed to the glass and straining against his hand. They had taken a team photo just a few days before: Rin had insisted, dragging them all to the photobooth and smiling, widely. She had her arms around both him and Kakashi, and when the camera blinked, she pulled them all close; he could smell the shampoo in her hair.

_Rin._ His penis swells and Obito strains against his hand, the picture frame digging into his cheek. Earlier that day, Obito had lost yet another match. This time, Kakashi was the one to deal the finishing blows, the sharp end of a tanto blade slicing against the meat of his arm. After the match, he slunk behind the bleachers at the training grounds, nursing the cut on his arm when Rin came up to sit beside him.

"Let me see," Rin had said, and Obito lowered the ice pack to show her: the whole lower part of his face was bruised, the tender swell of his lower lip throbbing painfully. Rin frowned and dug through her medical pack, pulling out antiseptic and gauze and reaching up to gently daub at his wounds.

Obito didn't say anything. He didn't know why she was still sitting with him, even though he was pretty sure he was the laughing stock of the entire shinobi class.

He hated it. Heat rose to his cheeks and he was intensely aware of how close Rin was sitting, how her small fingers curled around the tender bones of his wrist.

"It wasn't that bad," Rin said, because she was a girl and girls could read minds, and even though he liked that she was spending time with him, he didn't like that it was because she felt sorry for him. "Do you want me to stitch that up?"

She took his arm again, and dumbly Obito sat beside her. She opened her pack and pulled out a straight suture, holding his arm against her lap.

"You need to tell me when something's wrong."

He's close to coming. His penis swells and Obito strains against his hand, the picture frame digging into his cheek. Quickly he grabs a fistful of tissues and covers the head of his penis when he comes, pleasure twitching, jets of cloudy fluid spurting into his hand.

xXx

.

A secret:

Obito sleeps with a pillow balled up under his face. He hugs it and pretends it's Rin. After he jerks off, he wipes his hands and lies back on the bed, hugging the pillow and pretending that he is cuddling her.

xXx

.

The Zetsus aren't exactly known for their privacy, but they're not paying attention to him now, and Obito is fairly certain they're asleep. The Zetsu equivalent of sleep, at the least.

He's used to masturbating with his right hand, but because it's bound and bandaged Obito has to awkwardly stroke himself with his left. It's difficult; the cast digs into the side of his thigh and when he tries to strain upwards, the stitches in his hip and right arm pop, and his left hand isn't at the angle he's used to; he has to curve his arm around, trying to get the same pressure and the same feel, but it's not the same and his breathing tightens, desperate to get off.

He's about to come when he hears the Zetsus ambling behind the tree. "Hey, Tobi!" they call, and Obito scrambles, except that he's in a cast and his right arm is bandaged, and he can't quite hide his exposed wilting cock fast enough. "Oooh! What's that? What are you doing?"

"Are you taking a dump?"

"None of your business!" Obito says, but the Zetsus are staring at him, curiously.

What begins is a long, awkward conversation about masturbation and how touching yourself can feel good, except Obito is embarrassed and he doesn't want to keep answering their questions; he soldiers on, though, because he knows if he doesn't, they'd probably sit down in front of him and ask to watch.

(The Zetsus don't judge though, they're just curious, and he gets comfortable enough about the subject to speak freely about it. It isn't until one of the Zetsus asks the obvious - "How come you can't just put it inside her?" - that Obito stops and sputters and says that's enough of those questions, for now.)

xXx

.

He fantasizes about their reunion.

She would hug him. She would run up to him and throw her arms around him, and the weight of her momentum would make him lose his balance. She would cry and laugh and nuzzle her head against him because _she thought he was dead_, and he would muster up the courage to tell her, to man up and tell her exactly how it is he feels.

He wonders what it would be like to kiss her. Her lips look soft. Once, she had dropped a stick of cherry chapstick on the training grounds, which Obito had furtively picked up and snuck into his pocket. Experimentally he rubbed a little on his hand and decided that it felt goopy and a little sticky. But he still glanced behind him and dropped a quick kiss on his wrist, to see what it would feel like.

He decided it felt nice. He pressed his lips together, relishing the feel.

xXx

.

The Zetsus ask, "So how come you love her so much, anyway?" and Obito struggles to explain.

How could he explain it? How good it is, that she's nice to him. That she smiles and laughs and doesn't mind spending time with him. Even when he feels stupid and lonely, she always manages to find him, sitting at the bench beside him and rubbing his shoulder.

"It's because you need someone to practice on, right?" Obito said once, because he was sulking and upset and he was sick of everybody feeling sorry for him.

"Yeah," Rin said. "It is." And Obito sulked even more, before Rin giggled and nudged at his shoulder.

"You make me a really good medic," Rin said, and Obito blushed, because at least he was good for something, for once. She smiled at him and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, because maybe then she would look at him. Maybe then she would see.

But he didn't do anything. Instead, he stared at his hands. There was dirt under his fingernails and his knuckles were scratched and bruised.

"Hey," Rin said. "What is it? I can't read your mind. Tell me, what's wrong?"

At the time, he couldn't say anything. Couldn't tell her that all he wanted to do was sink into her chest, that just sitting next to her made everything go away.

xXx

.

This is how it would be if Obito had escaped:

Rin yells at him for an hour straight as Obito limps and leans on her, the injuries from the boulder keeping him from walking, properly. "How could you be so stupid? You could have died! What were you thinking! You need to be more careful!"

Obito doesn't say anything, just grins up at her from against her shoulder, and Rin scowls and hefts his weight onto her back, Kakashi following them, quietly. He is delirious from fatigue and pain and the words just tumble out.

"I love you," Obito says, and Rin just glances at him, shocked.

"Stupid," Rin says, "You've lost a lot of blood," and she pulls him closer.

xXx

.

Rin carries on as if Obito had never said anything, and it's not until the war is over that things get really strange. She avoids him. Weeks pass and Obito is miserable. How stupid could he be?

But then one day Rin inexplicably turns around. She shows up at his house, a grocery bag of snacks and magazines in her hand, and she smiles broadly when he limps on crutches and opens the door.

"You're my best friend," Rin says simply, and she hands him the grocery bag. "I guess I wouldn't mind if you were my boyfriend." Obito just gapes and stares and stammers stupidly when Rin smiles, shyly.

Later, Obito finds out Kakashi had spent the last few weeks guilt-tripping her to give him a chance.

xXx

.

They kiss in the park Obito used to hide in whenever he got overwhelmed with how bad he was. It's the same bench Rin had wrapped Obito's hand.

"It's wet," Rin says. She giggles and wrinkles her nose and Obito blushes and wrings his hands in his lap. "Try again?"

"O-okay!" and he musters the courage to barrel forward, almost head-butting her in his zeal to kiss her properly.

It doesn't work. Rin giggles and laughs and Obito's ears turn bright red, but she smiles at him and takes his hand.

When his hard-on flares out from nowhere, Obito's not fast enough to hide it. Rin stares at his lap, eyes wide.

"I'm sorry! It just happens! Wait, don't look-"

"Can I see?" Rin says, and Obito gapes at her for a full minute before nodding, stupidly.

"I, uh. Yeah. I guess..."

He's never run faster to get anywhere, before.

xXx

.

As it turns out, there are thousands of ways to misuse the sharingan, much to his elder's chagrin.

"Ack! Obito! What are you doing?"

He doesn't have to ask to know what she's seeing: him kneeling determinedly between her legs, a pair of blood red eyes staring up at hers.

"I want to make sure you come," Obito says, and his feelings are a little hurt when Rin starts to laugh at him.

"Come here," Rin says, and Obito just looks at her doubtfully when she motions up at him, "No, dummy, I said _come here_."

He crawls up on her bare stomach before resting his body against her, and Rin giggles and fluffs his hair, cupping his face, fondly.

"The sharingan is really freaky up close."

"You think so?" Obito says, and Rin smiles and kisses him, stroking his cheek with the pad of her thumb.

"Can you just...turn it off?"

"But I can't get you to come without it," Obito says, and Rin shakes her head, smiling at him.

"It's okay," Rin says, and she bites her lip, grinning. "Maybe you'll just have to practice."

His face splits into a smile and she all but tackles him, kissing and hugging him against her shoulder.

xXx

.

They're kissing on the couch when Rin whispers in his ear.

"I have condoms in my medical bag," Rin says. Her face is flushed, red. "Do you want to try?"

She doesn't have to specify what she's talking about. Obito blushes and nods.

"Are you sure?" he says. "Rin?"

She nods, then smiles, shyly.

"Yeah."

He brightens. She laughs and he pulls her into his arms.

xXx

.

He kisses her and she's smiling. He can feel the curve of her mouth against his face, and Obito opens his eyes to see her staring back at him. They're lying on their sides, facing each other. The bed groans and creaks in protest as Obito reaches for her, one heavy hand palming the side of her face. They kiss again and he smiles, breaking only to drop small kisses against her lips and the corners of her eyes.

He is happy just to hold her. She feels warm and good and he smiles broadly when she nuzzles her face against his chest, her body fitted against his. But then the kiss deepens and her legs wrap around his waist, and she's grinding her pelvis against him, feels her strain and groan and rub against his hardness, until she's panting into his mouth. They break again and she's looking up at him, as if asking him with her eyes.

She pulls off her shirt with one sure motion, and he's rolling her onto her back. She's panting and her face is red, and Obito sees how her nipples harden into small stiff peaks. He kisses her jaw and neck and rolls her nipples under his thumbs, making her gasp and writhe and grind her pelvis harder against him.

When he tries to enter her, she squirms away from him. The head of his cock enters her and it feels so good, but Rin's eyes are squeezed shut and she's breathing hard from her nose, and Obito's erection wilts when he realizes that he's hurting her. "Rin?"

"It's okay." There are tears in her voice. "Just do it."

"_Rin._" He pulls out and Rin starts to cry, fat tears rolling down the sides of her face. "Oh, Rin."

"I'm sorry," Rin says. He gathers her close and she cries into his shoulder.

xXx

.

It takes a full month before they're able to lose their virginity.

First it's one careful finger, probing her entrance. He uses his sharingan this time and Rin doesn't stop him, doesn't seem to notice because her eyes are squeezed shut, shaking a little at the intrusion. After a few times she's used to his fingers and tongue and pretty soon she's able to come when he fingers her. It's only then that they try again, slowly, sharingan on and watching her face for even the smallest flicker of pain.

There isn't any. He carefully slides up inside her.

"Rin?" He peers down at her, overwhelmed with how good she feels and shaking with effort not to thrust too soon.

She opens her eyes and nods.

He gives her one small, experimental thrust, and her mouth pops open. He stops, afraid he's hurt her.

"Do that again," Rin says, and her lips tug into a smile.

He isn't very good, the first time. The first time is an uncoordinated jumble of arms and legs and slapping, sloppy thrusts. But she's wet and good and it's all he can do from babbling how happy he is when he comes inside her.

"Silly," Rin says, and she reaches up to cup his face.

He's never been happier than at this moment. She smiles and her eyes are soft when she reaches out to trace a soft line down the side of his cheek. The failures of his life - emptiness, uncertainty. Loneliness and an aching need for approval - begin to crack and fall away, the surface of scars washing out to colorless marks, because he knows she loves him, too.

xXx

.

It doesn't happen this way.

There are a lot of things Obito wonders about. In the darkness of Madara's cave, Obito stares up at the ceiling and wonders what it would feel like. What it would feel like to hold her, to have her lie against his chest and bury his nose into her hair.

He finds out, several months later: her body, limp and unmoving. Her hair, sticky and matted with warm old blood.

xXx

.

Deidara is drunk. It is the first time Obito has seen his supposed partner this way: face red, slightly slurring his words, Deidara laughs and throws marble-sized bombs that burst like firecrackers in the small tavern. If Deidara were even the least bit sober, Obito would shake his head and implore _Deidara-sempai_ to please watch where he's throwing things, they could _hurt_ someone! But Deidara is drunk and Obito drops the act, watching his partner with hooded eyes.

Around him, people are laughing. Civilians are carousing and rough-housing, and the sounds of laughter gather and rise like waves. Deidara has disappeared and Obito is alone now, watching with a predatory stillness as the men in the tavern laugh, loudly.

There are whores standing outside the tavern, leaning suggestively and soliciting the patrons of the bar. Their faces are painted garish, bright colors, layers of heavy make-up caked in the small lines of leather skin.

He has never touched a woman. In the early years after Rin's death, he had been angry and disgusted with his younger self, who openly fantasized about her as if she were something disposable. A hole for his perverted pleasure. At the time, it had made him angry and ashamed.

But that was then, and the years that pass have all but numbed him completely to the goings-on of normal men. Pain. Love. Hurt. Fear. It is all inconsequential to him. Even Rin's death is a strangely divorced from the rest of himself, that wounded, worried part of himself an unnecessary distraction.

"What's with the mask?" someone says, and Obito looks up, sees the woman leaning against his table.

He glances at the clock. It is well past midnight, and Obito does not need to sleep. It is one of the few advantages of having Hashirama's cells implanted in his body, which lets him move without eating or sleeping for days on end. He is grateful for this: the rare times his human half needs rest, he is plagued with nightmares, broken bodies and dead gray eyes.

The woman is leaning forward, jutting the tops of her breasts in full view of his gaze. Normally he would not even entertain the thought of doing something so pointless. Sex doesn't interest him. Though he would use his body as a tool if the situation so called for it, sex in and of itself is useless to him.

But the hour is late, and there is nothing for him to do but wait for Deidara and stew in his thoughts. He has a few hours to kill, and he would be lying to himself to say he isn't at least a little bit curious.

He comes to a decision. He reaches for a satchel of coins.

"Now, that's more like it," the prostitute says. Her teeth are yellow when she grins.

xXx

.

The clock ticks. In the darkness, he stands motionless; she kneels in front of him on her knees. He's limp but she's doing her best, bobbing her head and swallowing, obscenely.

He feels nothing. Not even as he feels her massaging his flaccid cock, running her thumb under the wilted underside of his glans before gamely sucking him again.

What is he doing? Around him, moonlight puddles like spilled milk, and Obito pushes her back.

"What?" The prostitute looks up at him, frustrated.

"That is enough," Obito says, and he zips up his clothes. "Your money is on the dresser. I do not require anything further."

"But you didn't get off."

His jaw tightens. He strides across the room, pulling open his bag.

"Look," the prostitute says, standing. "I can't read your mind. You need to tell me what's wrong."

Obito stops.

"What did you say to me?" Obito says. The prostitute blinks, uncertainly.

"I said, you need to tell me what you like. If I'm doing something wrong-"

"Get out," Obito says.

"Wait, what?"

"Leave," Obito says. "_Now._"

And the prostitute stares at him one long moment, then snatches up the satchel of coins, pulling on her clothes.

xXx

.

The day Kakashi beat him, he was humiliated. It wasn't enough that he lost the match. They jeered at him, and Obito knew, as he always did, that he was an outsider, that he didn't belong.

He was sitting at the edge of the river when Rin came out from nowhere. Wordlessly, she sat beside him, not saying anything and waiting for him to speak.

"I'm a failure," Obito said, finally. He looked at his hands; bruised knuckles, the scrap of bandage tied around his arm. "They're all right. I shouldn't even be here."

Across from them, the setting sun was a blaze of colors. Burnt out reds and bright orange streaks turning in every direction. "That's not true," Rin said and the streak of golden light caught her face. The wind rose, and she moved a hand to push back her hair. "For what it's worth, I'm glad that you're here."

He looked up at her. She was looking out into the horizon, hair stirring in the soft breeze.

Nohara Rin. The only person who was nice to him. The only one who cared if he was there or gone.

Eyes filled with a warmth he couldn't explain, and Obito hunched into himself, pulling his goggles down and pulling his knees to his chest. Wordlessly, Rin rubbed soothing circles against his back until he leaned against her, squeezing his eyes.

Now, years later, he sits alone in the dark, hands clenching into fists. There is a tightness to his neck and shoulders and a burning behind his good eye.

There is a scar on his left arm from when Rin had stitched him, years ago. The scar is raised and jagged, and quietly he runs his fingers over the pearly bump, remembering. Gentle fingers curling around his wrist, a soft halo of blue chakra, healing him. A soothing warmth easing the pain.

In the next room, Deidara is snoring. Quietly, Obito adjusts his mask and looks out the window, at the bones of naked trees, and at the darkness that's streaked with the broken light of a solitary moon.

xXx

.

_Mirror on the wall, here we are again.  
Through my rise and fall  
You've been my only friend._

end.


End file.
